Toby Fitch














In Memory of My Furlings








In Memory of My Furlings







my anxiety has a dog in it / she’s opaque
    & drags me slowly like a creaky ship thru the CBD
        she’s unlike anything except maybe a cloud
            of bats at night / like letters
my anxiety has several furlongs & so many
    bristling little selves i bear against the creatures
        who readily pretend they’re human / not
            the weapons they’ve become pointing to the sky
 
in winter they’re cold as aircon / taste of sweaty
    equipment from which i slip
        split into warm coastal waters
            out beyond the flags i stare back at the unthinkable
worlds that continue to clash & think
    i’d prefer to be baffled / broken
        redistributed by waves
            their pulsing blue pillowcases / & by Frankie & Freddy
 
who swim up thru the Anthropocene to meet me
    where it’s turquoise we nap together 
        they speak of underwater mares but i’m too purple 
            to hear the polar bears bassooning their discomfort 
w/ the heat that echoes to the poles
    & back of the plastic gyre squelching its dulled mirror
        its floating veil / its shadow on the waters of
            the indebted & gravity-locked
 
 meanwhile a Coke in my ex’s freezer “explodes” 
    one of me darts from pub door #7 / one of me is yanked
        by a chain & one of me jumps the double white-lines
            to avoid being struck / another me
hovers b/w landing planes / bird’s
    -eye view of the next me perambulating thru Newtown Enmore
        Marrickville / & all the other me’s
            pushing prams thru parks in criss-cross patterns
 
Minkys running doggy arcs about us
    our impervious & fuzzy half-awake babies squinting at the late 
        afternoon light that slants in
            b/w muslin & pram hood & underneath each wheel
as i round The Bends over Bilgola
    head losing another hair / body letting loose another ghost
       the back-end of the Mazda i was in sliding out &
           thru a gap in oncoming traffic 
 
the rain of At the Drive In pelting me w/ the drops
    of a future death / cilia on the insides
        of the lungs & bowels of earth
            pushing shit along & the sphincters inside of me
gaping for one another
    they won’t find each other any more
        than my others’ll find me / each of us
            in our respective wormholes  
 
but each able to see how so many of our obscurities resist
    are contrary / partly terrified of a glaring
        mushroom-cloud dream 
            partly trying to circumvent whatever commodity
fetishism they’re subject to
    & partly just flaking out like little moons w/ dandruff
        lolling across a toothily numb-dark horizon
            my covert creatures 
 
dank inside my coat pants & pockets / busting to come out
    & take it from those who’d hunt big game
        w/ their LEDs oblivious
            to the helical pasts & futures
that 3D-print themselves now
    into the dark of neighbouring galaxies / glowing
        i dip behind a scraper / whistling
            as if no one could possibly’ve noticed how i almost pulled
 
a trigger on that particular teddied me tho 
    Minky’s eyes did / reddened / barked at how hard
        my opaque eyes had come to seem
            in their modes of perpetual escape so i kiss her  
& we flip about like puppies in a box
    on the interwebs wriggling / panting / not w/out panic
        & not w/out a certain icy comeback reserved for
            & justified in those kinds of webby fields when we need to
 
but acquiescent enough to the necessity
    scrolling up & down thru rippling neon hills which
        presciently come to resemble
            the furlings & unfurlings
i continue to have to save & put down