Michael Estabrook |
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Buildings buildings always buildings and I’m lost in them . . . in a skyscraper with fast moving elevators that don’t stop that go up to the roof and beyond the roof and I’m alone in there in this small all-glass skyscraper elevator and I can’t get out . . . . . . in this Victorian mansion with hidden rooms and musty-smelling crawlspaces and pantries I’m in the attic climbing in and out windows being chased by something dark and heavy and hairy through the attic out onto the roof back into the attic again and again . . . . . . in a sprawling dusty farmhouse long endless crooked hallways rusty smell of damp grain . . . . . . in a giant college classroom building wide stairways alcoves echoing alcoves windows tiny windows that peer out over an empty quad and I can’t find my classroom it’s exam time and I’m late and I haven’t been to this classroom in months I don’t know why I think I’ve simply forgotten this class and I’m searching up and down the wide stairways alone in the alcoves peering out the empty windows I can’t find my classroom . . . in my dreams I’m always in buildings lost in buildings in my dreams I’m lost in buildings * fish tank heater & light it hasn’t snowed here yet, strange after 18 snowstorms last year - & it’s not that I talk often about the weather but here’s the point - it’s not snowing here because I finally went out and borrowed money and bought a god-damned snow blower. yeah. also, I had a dream last night about the fish tank we have downstairs it’s a big one 30 gallons I think, with 4 goldfish & a catfish & some snails in there so I had this dream about a giant fish tank as big almost as a room & I’m trying to put a heater in it & I’m having some trouble putting the heater in, then I wake up, fix myself a cup of coffee, meander downstairs, turn on the fish tank pump & the light & the damn light doesn’t work. ** IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TORNADO IS A WOMAN WITH A METALLIC FACE. I. The two of us leave town, wander through fields as an orange sun sets. We feel like Reapers looking out over the golden grain sheaves and haystacks majestic in the stillness of Harvest. II. Suddenly! Thunder! Thunder! from somewhere but how can this be? We raise our heads, a Storm in the West; dark gray funnel dropping from an Angry Sky becoming a Tornado moving toward us, swirling, whirling, shuddering, clattering with debris; closer & closer. III. We stand alone, unprotected, in this open field, nowhere to go, no place to hide. It threads it's path heedfully around the simple houses, around my house too. I'm stiff with fear, mouth open. It stops before us, whirling, clattering, Wind blowing cool over my face & neck, blowing back my hair. IV. There in the bottom of the Tornado is a Woman, a metallic-faced Woman, dark blue eyes unblinking, sticks & leaves & little fishes swirling around Her, stuck in Her long black hair. (All this motion, spinning, blurry, hard to see. Is that me in there? No. Impossible. Of course not! I'm out here, looking in.) Her shining eyes stare out as She says I must choose the houses to be cleansed, to be purified. V. Purified? Purified? I'm confused. What can this mean? I shake my head. I won't make this decision, won't hurt anyone. "No no I can't, no no I won't!" I try to back away. But the Face remains solid metal, eyes unblinking, insisting. "No, I can't! I'm not responsible. I shouldn't have to decide this. I won't." But my words are unheard. She tells me if I don't choose, She'll destroy every house, including mine. I want to cry, but don't. I want to run, but can't. Taking a deep breath I decide to choose troubled houses for purification. Yes! That's reasonable, choose houses already with problems -- drugs or poverty or crime or HIV. I name names, point out these homes. VI. Off She goes in Her clattering Tornado leaving the path clean in Her passage through the town. She guts some houses. They vanish or remain only rubble; others She merely strips off clapboard or removes the roof. VII. And we remain standing, watching, helpless, in the open field at Harvest knowing we have the Power, but not knowing how to use it.
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